that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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