hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
