He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
