now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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