we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
