I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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