he shaved USA in his pubs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
