Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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