hotel room ftw
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
