You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
