Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
