either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
