I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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