dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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