i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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