got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
