so explain again why im purple
no
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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