dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
