It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
