guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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