Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
