i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
