I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think i peed on brittanys purse
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
