am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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