you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I deserve this hangover.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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