Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
