OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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