Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
