Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
love makes seman taste better
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
