Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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