Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
