Quick, to the slutcave!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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