I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
