forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
