I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
