Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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