All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
