I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
