It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
