Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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