we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
