you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
