one two three fourrrrnication!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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