He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
