I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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