i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize