Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just threw up on my dentist
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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