this beer tastes like vomit already
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
