So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
