I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
