Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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