Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
