I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
