Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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