This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
