I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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