Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize