3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
