i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
