found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
