Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
