Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize