From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
porn star boner night. come get it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
