So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
