i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
