one might say we're banned from that church
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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