I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
