so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
