well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
