And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
