i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
