My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
