i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
