Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
