small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
