You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
