FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
