this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
